'WHY....?'

Hello, speaking as now im officially a Sem 3 medical school student, after having the toughest week of my life living as a 'hopefully Semester 3 med student'. Sem3, sounds old, but it's just second year. 4 years (or more) to go!!

Anyways, i didn't do very well, but thankfully i did not fail any of my papers as well as my OSCE exam. TBH i was expecting a grade C- or lower (which are the failed grades) for my OSPE paper. Please la LSY, get your ass back tgt and study harder.. The feeling sucks when I know im a Bsian in major exam while seeing other people able to be an Asian. well it's not THAT major but it matters quite alot. so please clean up your shit already. GO GO GO.

Tuesday was the result day. we were told that the pass/fail email will be sent at 5pm, and result slips will be available for collection at 5.30pm. But IMU haiz IMU. they are unorganized as shit.

During lunch break, i was told by my friends that there's 17people in my batch who failed. And immediately, i lost all my appetite.

That's like 8% failing rate. I hardly pulled myself back together that afternoon and went for classes.

We had an OSCE debriefing prior to the release of the results, conducted by the station examiners on our exam days, to discuss about what we did wrong and how can we do better in the future. I was so so so so so worried that i will be the 8%. I was thinking that if i really am, i will simply leave IMU. i might still be doing medicine somewhere else, or maybe not. i don't know. I don't know what else i want to do for my life if it wasn't to be a doctor.

I thought i was once thinking of going to biomedical science or biotechnology. I thought, maybe i can still go back to biomed. But after 2 seconds, 'No, i don't like lab.'

It's funny. How i used to love laboratory sessions so much, and i actually hated to go out and talk to people. I didn't know what exactly makes me into med school, i mean, i somehow wanted to be a doctor, but i wasn't like 'I AM GOING TO BE A DOCTOR.' because back when i was still doing my A levels, i would still weigh BIOMED > MEDICINE. These are both saving people's life. In fact i think, without biomed scientist, what's the use of a doctor? I knew, and all i wanted to do is yes, saving lives. Maybe after considering my dad's advices. Yes, if im gonna do biomed, i will never ever gonna be back home, or i might just get married right after graduating, and leave the certificate on the wall, decoration. I wasn't sure about that former, but i know i don't want a life as the latter. At some points of life we will be losing directions and ideas. And so here am i.

And i know i would not think that im studying medic, im standing taller than those who are doing biomed, nursing etc. Because doctor can do nothing without them. We all will share the name as healthcare workers, as the medical team.

During the first 2 months of studies, i really didn't like it. I was fed up. They called it 'lab session'. but we can't touch the microscope. The main thing about being a doctor, besides studying, is all about clinical skills. that is why, OSCE exam is a standalone examination, nothing can backs you up. and again that is why, i got so worried about my OSCE. because we have to do alot of talking. And me, i don't really like to talk because my english is so bad. To a stranger? haha. But eventually We all find our way to cope in. For now, i still don't like to do the talking for history taking, but i appreciate its importance and i know i have to ask those questions. i won't say that i have became more sporting and open, i am just gonna do what i need to do when i was supposed to do. i am still shy.... (CHEHHH hahahha) but i've found my passion to getting in contact with people who needs help.

Oh fish, why did i crap so much about this? 

oh ya, there's this Dr's blog. I am not his regular visitors, only when i see people sharing his blog on fb (mainly by other med students).

http://pagalavan.com/

I read a few of his posts (when people shared), and find it to be very relevant to us. As he keeps me (at least) updated and on track on what is going on in Msia's healthcare system.

His recent post is about the surplus of doctors in Malaysia, many with under-qualified academic results and therefore they are doing harm to the society. Yeapp we all know that's what exactly happening and that's why im thinking about it again, WHY ARE YOU DOING MEDICINE? 

The point is :

i might still be jobless after all when i graduate. 

oh shit

hahahaha!

Another week, ohh Friday see you tomorrow!