HTHT

Disclaimer: All the paragraphs in this post are so unrelated to each other.

Recently I had a few HTHT (Heart-to-heart talk) sessions with my fellow medic mates. With a few shots down our GI tract, we were all able to throw out some little secrets about ourselves. We laughed at one’s stupidest fear. Then we tried to give advice to one another. I cried, but for once, I finally thought that it’s okay to break down in front of people. Because the moment I spilled my beans out, these girls rushed over from another bed just to hug me so tightly.

I am sorry that I made the whole session awkward. Complete silence (well, not really. The room was filled with my sobs) for 5 minutes. I am sorry. I know you guys didn’t know how to react to that. And I am sorry, for keeping everything to myself since forever and not letting you guys in to my world.

That day C asked me, “Hey, compare your 2015 with your 2014, which one is better?”

“2015.”

(After I blurted out 2015, that’s when my mind started working. I flashed back everything that happened in 2015- wasn’t able to transfer overseas, break up, dramas in school etc…)

“Me too. Why?”

There’s nowhere better than where I am now. Anytime you ask me, I’ll answer you – ‘Now’ is the best time I ever had. Sure, times before tragedy happened was wonderful. You know I been through shit. You know what haunted me for more than 10 years. But without them, I would not have become who I am today. I won’t be the independent girl you’re seeing. I won’t be the girl who is only 22 but thinks like a 32. I won’t be the girl who thinks that, the only person you should trust in this world is yourself. I remember every single shit that broke me in the past. Big or small, I took them as lessons. I don’t show my emotions because I think that it’s not necessary.

Haih shit I shouldn’t be writing this kind of things. HAHAHA! Well. Christmas was 2 days ago. My Christmas present this year was the multiple HTHT sessions with them people. If I haven’t talked this out, I’d probably still be crying to my pillow 10 years later. It’s a relief to actually have people to know (if not understand) your past. Everyone must have been through some kind of rocky road. Don’t wonder how things might end later. It really, really depends on your own beliefs, what matters the most to you.

Damn, I’m so Capricorn.

Hot and fresh from the dinner table tonight. 2015-12-27

We are all broken in some ways. But we are all beautiful with our flaws. Don't try so hard covering your scar.

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# Time passes, love heals.