'WHY....?'

Hello, speaking as now im officially a Sem 3 medical school student, after having the toughest week of my life living as a 'hopefully Semester 3 med student'. Sem3, sounds old, but it's just second year. 4 years (or more) to go!!

Anyways, i didn't do very well, but thankfully i did not fail any of my papers as well as my OSCE exam. TBH i was expecting a grade C- or lower (which are the failed grades) for my OSPE paper. Please la LSY, get your ass back tgt and study harder.. The feeling sucks when I know im a Bsian in major exam while seeing other people able to be an Asian. well it's not THAT major but it matters quite alot. so please clean up your shit already. GO GO GO.

Tuesday was the result day. we were told that the pass/fail email will be sent at 5pm, and result slips will be available for collection at 5.30pm. But IMU haiz IMU. they are unorganized as shit.

During lunch break, i was told by my friends that there's 17people in my batch who failed. And immediately, i lost all my appetite.

That's like 8% failing rate. I hardly pulled myself back together that afternoon and went for classes.

We had an OSCE debriefing prior to the release of the results, conducted by the station examiners on our exam days, to discuss about what we did wrong and how can we do better in the future. I was so so so so so worried that i will be the 8%. I was thinking that if i really am, i will simply leave IMU. i might still be doing medicine somewhere else, or maybe not. i don't know. I don't know what else i want to do for my life if it wasn't to be a doctor.

I thought i was once thinking of going to biomedical science or biotechnology. I thought, maybe i can still go back to biomed. But after 2 seconds, 'No, i don't like lab.'

It's funny. How i used to love laboratory sessions so much, and i actually hated to go out and talk to people. I didn't know what exactly makes me into med school, i mean, i somehow wanted to be a doctor, but i wasn't like 'I AM GOING TO BE A DOCTOR.' because back when i was still doing my A levels, i would still weigh BIOMED > MEDICINE. These are both saving people's life. In fact i think, without biomed scientist, what's the use of a doctor? I knew, and all i wanted to do is yes, saving lives. Maybe after considering my dad's advices. Yes, if im gonna do biomed, i will never ever gonna be back home, or i might just get married right after graduating, and leave the certificate on the wall, decoration. I wasn't sure about that former, but i know i don't want a life as the latter. At some points of life we will be losing directions and ideas. And so here am i.

And i know i would not think that im studying medic, im standing taller than those who are doing biomed, nursing etc. Because doctor can do nothing without them. We all will share the name as healthcare workers, as the medical team.

During the first 2 months of studies, i really didn't like it. I was fed up. They called it 'lab session'. but we can't touch the microscope. The main thing about being a doctor, besides studying, is all about clinical skills. that is why, OSCE exam is a standalone examination, nothing can backs you up. and again that is why, i got so worried about my OSCE. because we have to do alot of talking. And me, i don't really like to talk because my english is so bad. To a stranger? haha. But eventually We all find our way to cope in. For now, i still don't like to do the talking for history taking, but i appreciate its importance and i know i have to ask those questions. i won't say that i have became more sporting and open, i am just gonna do what i need to do when i was supposed to do. i am still shy.... (CHEHHH hahahha) but i've found my passion to getting in contact with people who needs help.

Oh fish, why did i crap so much about this? 

oh ya, there's this Dr's blog. I am not his regular visitors, only when i see people sharing his blog on fb (mainly by other med students).

http://pagalavan.com/

I read a few of his posts (when people shared), and find it to be very relevant to us. As he keeps me (at least) updated and on track on what is going on in Msia's healthcare system.

His recent post is about the surplus of doctors in Malaysia, many with under-qualified academic results and therefore they are doing harm to the society. Yeapp we all know that's what exactly happening and that's why im thinking about it again, WHY ARE YOU DOING MEDICINE? 

The point is :

i might still be jobless after all when i graduate. 

oh shit

hahahaha!

Another week, ohh Friday see you tomorrow!

20140224

Guess why am i here ?
hahaha no i wasn't supposed to be studying
err, i mean, YEAH i was supposed to be studying, but i was watching drama instead. Streaming online. it was all going well until 5mins ago, POOOOFFF electricity cut off. BLAHHHHH
now reloading -.-
the wifi connection here is already sucks, and i have to wait for it to load again T_T omg.

*check back latest post*




 

well, i have actually sorted out the photos taken in Japan, but AIYA. my sem 3 started already. in fact, i got no sem break. or if you want, okay, the 3 days sem break. compare to my friends having 3months break. i am like 'pfft.' lolll

Tomorrow release result le. tbh, im scared, but not as scared as the day i sat for the exam. but recently i have got a few bad dreams about my results/osce.. -.- this morning i dreamt about i was asked to perform CPR on a patient, and i have to speak malay. LOLOLOL
okay, hopefully everything goes well ><
*pray hard*

had a lil date with him after a hectic week overloaded by heavy lectures.

we watched The Lego movie. dont laugh

it's not THAT bad, but it's very lame. hahaha. still it worth some laugh from lame and lifeless people like me =D

but whatever it is, spending time with him after a !"£$%^&* week was what i looking forward to.

hashtag : ootd

These days are tooooo hot. i mean, seriously. I thought it was just me haven't adjusted back to the hot weather yet after im back from Japan, eventually not. It. is. REALLY. HOT. it rains only once in abt 5 days, and it just drizzled and the clouds say byebye -.-

In love with this singlet already. i bought it from F21 Japan haha! it's loose and it hides my fats. *wink*

Last night we gathered at aunt's house to celebrate my grandfather's birthday, mom side gong gong. We reached around 7.40pm and grandpa wasn't there yet. Mom asked the aunt, "Eh where's lou dao?" My aunt replied "How would i know? I thought you were the one who supposed to call?"
HAHA i thought no one called him to come LOLOLOL

dadang, me with bro with mom and gong gong

hashtag : family; love; potd

I think this is my first ever photo with gong gong after so many years

i actually was quite sad because i didn't have any photo with my dad's side grandpa. so i decided to ask for one picture last night. We don't always meet but i still love them <3 

hashtag : handsome

i find him really handsome. or maybe just because he's angmoh. hahaha! you show me 10 ang moh i will say 7 are handsome. i like him being so skinny and..idk. LOL i couldn't like this photo because he actually deleted it after posting it XD but i screenshot-ed it. haha please dont find out and come and punch me okay, im just a lil fans of yours.

Also, i watched <<The Journey>> (一路有你) with Zerky and Sean Dee Justin ytd before dinner. It has been showing since 30th Jan and the cinema is still full ytd.

And it is really a good movie, for a Malaysian production, it is by far the best. No stupid characters like ah Beng etc. 

Come let me steal something from IMDb.com :

The Journey is a cross-continental story that explores the idea of culture, not just as tradition but as an expression of love. When Bee (Yew) returns to Malaysia for the first time in a decade - she introduces her conservative father Uncle Chuan (Lee) to her happy-go-lucky British fiancé, Benji (Pfeiffer). With Benji's lack of cultural understanding and comprehension of Chinese traditions, Chuan opposes their marriage. Unexpected circumstances ensue, and Chuan reluctantly submits to their union, on the condition that their wedding adheres to Chinese tradition. Part of that tradition is that Chuan must invite all of his childhood friends personally. So the quintessential odd couple, Benji and Chuan, embark on a cross country adventure to deliver the invitations. Despite language barriers and initial hesitation from both parties, the two men come to realize that their priorities are essentially one and the same.

-Plot summary by anonymous 

Starring by Sai Peng Lee, Ben Pfeiffer, Joanne Yew. A very 'Malaysian style' movie with all the kampung scenes, streets and dialogues that only Malaysians understand. hahhaha. 

Uncle Chuan is very cute lo XD

Bee grew up in British and there's a huge knot between Bee and her father. She was angry at her father about sending her away when she was only 8. But what makes an Asian Asian, is that 'family bonding'. Whatever it is, Asians' parenting and all, we know there's something we can't change, it's in our blood. 

See, i think only Asians will cry like shit to this kind of movie.

Well, Sean Dee cried, i saw Zerky wiped off tears. I was okay. They stay right in my eyes and didn't flow like a pipe, luckily. hahahahha!

Whoever hasn't watched it, you may want to catch it in cinema soon because it has been showing for so almost a month. And it's still FULL. This movie has earned the word of mouth from the viewers. Not bad.

OKAY it's almost 1am and my drama has loaded! gonna watch it and.....zzZZ

oh no, will i be able to fall asleep later >< ishh omg.

hashtag : girlsbeinggirls

HAHAHA GOOD NIGHT

Post-exam (finally)

Human : You know you have wanted it, but when you get it, it's different story.

When i couldn't blog, i wanted to blog so badly. Now when i am given the opportunity to do so, i'm like, 'nayyyy.'

SOOOO i really wanted to blog abt my japan trip!
not now.

EXAM HAS FINALLY OVER
*PARTY*
I thought medical school's exam will be the same as others, eventually not. I knew too little about the whole 'be a doctor' thingy. Besides studying nerd and learning clinical skills, stay healthy while burning your liver at night, the most difficult thing to do, for me is probably talking to patients.
For this semester, our exam consisted of 1 day MCQ, 1 day structured questions (OSPE), 2 days clinical skills (OSCE).

60 MCQs in 90mins, first time in my life i felt like i have too little time for that 60 questions. it was hard.

20 OSPE stations. Stations? yeah station. you have a question booklet on your hand, but each station you need to answer based on the diagram/flow chart/.... at the particular station. We were to move around each station whenever the buzzer beep. stress is, each station you have only 5 minutes, in 5minutes you have to answer 3-5 questions based on the info given. Then you move to the next station. Deborah said it's like musical chair, lol indeed! They say don't leave anything blank, crap something! But in that 5minutes, what can you think of to crap in?? For me it's either you know or you don't know.

10 OSCE stations. stations again, 5minutes too. so in that two days we were to keep talking and talking to the simulated patients. "Hi Good Morning Mr. X, my name is lsy, im a first year medical student. Today i've been asked by my GP to come over here to perform a physical examination on you which will require me to look on, touch and feel around your hand and chest area. For the procedure i will need you to remove your upper garment as well. As you can see we are conducting the session in a private and well-lighted room, all the information gained will be kept private and confidential among you, me and the medical board. Do I get your permission to continue, Mr. X?"
Yeah we were trained to talk crap =)

For OSPE, it was a total screwed up. can't do anything to save my ass after leaving that station -.-
For OSCE, i think, overall was ok. BUTT at a few stations i've failed for sure HAHA like the ECG station and auroscopy. i didn't know how to put on the ECG leads and how to turn on the auroscope!! LOL hahahahaha i bet the ECG station's examiner had a super good laugh after i went out.

anyways it was overrrrrr. no more OSPE until next year, at least.
we celebrated like crazehh bump on thursday =D

Treated ourselves expensive dinner, and went for a movie. but both the dinner and movie were not up to expectations tho. hahahha! And moved to my unit to have a drinking session. A drinking Indian is totally....insane! hahahaha Neela purposely 'zi dui' that she was so drunk! Well and as expected, we got complaint because we were partying and shouting (mainly Neela) until 4am.

shopping at Daiso

Neela : 'oh She's taking her own picture.'

'She's not taking picture of us right?'

'OMG she IS taking picture of us!' (run towards me)

'Walao bojio!'

Got a La Senza love shaped balloon <3 hahahaha!

Real start of the night.

'achievement'. lolx

**********

Babe, still remember last year's Valentine's? that was so awful..... hahahaha

This year's Valentine's fell on the same day as Chap Goh mei, the so-called chinese's valentine's. ngiek. We still have got no plan, because this kid gotta ciao to work at 2pm :(

Had lunch with him and the IMU gang, then he went off to work dy.

babeeee no flower/chocolate? hahahahahhaha =P

See how much weight he lost :( 

stupiddddd virusssss come attack me laaaaa

GG.com

Stress kicked in like nobody's business right now!
at the middle of EOS 2
because tomorrow and thursday i'll be having OSCE (clinical skills examination), and it's a standalone exam, that's why im so worried nowwwwwwww OMGGGGGGG

sat for the evil OSPE paper this morning and it was one big piece of shit.
yesterday afternoon i was so stressed because i didn't study anything from Foundation block. The thought of killing myself came up to me a few times.
i was thinking to jump down from my apartment, or i have knives in the kitchen, bang the wall etc. i even felt like I WANNA GO CLUBBING. -.-

everytime i hit a maximum stress level, the 'screw it' emotion comes to take over. which means i don't care already. HAHHAHA that was exactly what happened last night. i watched drama and played games for hours until i feel sleepy. LOL

and i can foresee, same thing is going to happen soon because i feel like killing myself again right now.

i want to eat my ipad and choke.

End of Semester (EOS) 2, our final exam, has finally started this morning. to be exact, 2.5 hrs ago.
I can't believe the day has came. LOL and i am done for my first paper already.
Can't say that it's easy, but it's not terrible, at least. i guess.
Tomorrow and wednesday and thursday are when the real shits coming....
we had MCQ today. tomorrow will be 20 structured questions. Wed and Thurs are practical exam. omg. now im afraid of venipuncture station and ECG interpretation. GRAHH


Had just came back from Japan for CNY on Saturday.
it was a..... planless, pointless, random, free, funny, exciting trip, mixed with some terrible experiences.
like ..i lost my backpack.
and... flight delayed due to snowstorm on the day i return.
also.. COLDDDDD omgggg

want to blog about it so much!!!! XDXD
but...see first la. hahah!
Good luck to me, and the other ME113 students!

metaprolol, atenolol. lolololol.

TOKYO DISNEYSEA :D